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Another Tuesday. I would kill for some oatmeal right now. [Nov. 9th, 2010|11:16 pm]
Weightlessdolls (new account-temporary-backup)

[Current Mood |crappycrappy]

So... I've been eating maybe 200 calories a day? Probably more like 100. I've been having so much trouble keeping anything down. I discovered something with actual flavor the other day -baby carrots and light ranch. But I can't eat too much of it and keep it down. Same goes for ice berg lettus wth light ranch.

I begged my dad for light chocolate soymilk because the only kind I care for is 60 calories for 8oz and I don't feel bad drinking it- BUT he came back with this organic kind that is 120 calories for a cup and I'm like... wtf am I supposed to do with this? I know liquids arent a big deal if they are fairly high calorie, and especially when it's only a gram and a half of fat- but I can't keep it down. It's gone now, and idk how much I actually kept down. I might as well eat crap if I'm going to keep purging (pizza rolls, toast, cereal i should just eat that shit) but i just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'm going crazyyyy! Who does this? Oatmeal is only 130 calories a packet, 1.5 grams of fat? I'm just so scared to try and eat it... I'm sick of purging. If I wanted to wake up feeling like shit everyday, I'd finish off the only wine we have that I like.

In other news- I have my weekly therapist appointment in 2 and a half hours... I should probably be getting ready for that. I wonder if she'll notice the weight loss? Can you notice 5 pounds? I'm on my period so maybe it will be harder. I told her I had purged twice last time. Ha. Twice my ass. More like every day... I hated myself right after I said it. Her specialty is eating disorders (i think she even worked at Renfrew?) so she'll prolly know whats up. I really do like her though, she's so nice. I hate lying. She's going to ask me if I have and I don't know what the hell I'm going to say. She's going to ask me about restricting- how does this sound "Well, I'm restricting myself to carrots, lettus, light ranch and a few veggie straws a day, but I usually just purge it all. I'll have a few gulps of skim milk if I'm feeling too scared. I can keep my coffee down though, coffee and cigarettes are the high point of my day.Oh, and of course, the coffee's always black"

OK- NO. I don't think I can say the truth, now that I've read it. Ughhhh.

And my biggest predicament lately, and what I (and I'm sure alot of people here) have been stressing over- THANKSGIVING =/
my case is a little different though, but I'll elaborate on that later.

This was a really random and pointless post btw- I just don't have anyone else to talk about it and I feel like it's safer here than in a book in my dresser.

Also,I've been reading alot, and I read that alot of bulimics after a while end up anorexic- I struggled with bulimia (never large incriments of food, but everything I was craving) back in 10th grade. I'm in the middle of senior year now and everything is changing. I thought everything was over... but now that I look back it was only sleeping. This move 20 hours away from home and missing my mother terribly and hating life definatly hasnt helped the situation either... =/ unfortunately- I don't just think things will go "back to normal" when I move back.

This is hell. 

Can I be normal please?

Oh, and one more thing- I didnt feel like going to school today. But my step mom was here when I woke up. Idk why she wasn't at school... anyway- I walked in the bathroom and the seat was flipped up and to my horendous discovery- there was the aftermath of my chocolate soymilk I didn't see to clean up. I'm sorry this is totally disgusting. But I just hope my step sisters BF (he's staying with us this week) thought it was something else... he's the only guy to use that bathroom and my step-sister wouldn't have seen it bc she left this morning. My step-mom looked irritated when I woke up though. She doesn't like me. That's a whole other story though.

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New Start [Jun. 22nd, 2010|11:39 pm]
Weightlessdolls (new account-temporary-backup)

[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |mates of state- help help]

Hey there gals (and guys?). I used to have an account but I quit logging in for a while due to privacy issues and then I just never logged in at all and then i just forgot my username and password so I created a new account.

Anyway- my life has been a little crazy lately and turned basicly upside down, so I've been trying to keep my cool. I don't want to get into anything lengthy righ now, im exhausted, but im realllyyyy hoping to talk to some really great people on here and connect. this is the first time in my life where I've been so anxious and scared that I only want tofocus on getting thin and being perfect.

My stats

height: 5'5
age: 17 (18 on october 26th 2010!)
hw: 130
lw: 111
cw: 117
gw 1: 111
gw: 100
ugw: 85

so anyway... thats a little bit about me. 

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(no subject) [Apr. 4th, 2010|03:19 pm]
Weightlessdolls (new account-temporary-backup)

Dear Meredith,

We've suspended your community until such time as we can complete our investigation into your original Abuse request - when this is finished, more information will be provided to you in an e-mailed response to that request. This was done to protect your community while we determine who the rightful maintainer of it is, and is not punitive.

LiveJournal Abuse Prevention Team
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